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| Welcome to the first issue of Lonely Together, a monthly digest for anyone craving more connection. We created this newsletter because, well, we're all lonely. And we wanted a space to talk about it—with each other and experts—so we can figure out why that is and how to do something about it. |
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| In today's issue, we're diving into the Saturday Scaries—that unspoken and shitty feeling of not having anything planned during one of the "most social" times of the week. Below, you'll find expert-backed tips and some really real talk to make your Saturdays a little less spooky. |
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| Heads up: We'll be back in your inbox on the first Saturday of every month. Reply to this email and tell us what you want to see more of! |
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| —Jessica Schiffer, Director of Special Projects |
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 BTW: Make sure you actually get us in your inbox. Click below to confirm your subscription. |
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| Create a ritual or tradition—just for yourself. |
| Alone time is tricky. When we don't have enough of it, we crave it, but when we're staring down days of it? Send help. |
| One of the best ways to reframe your solo time as a positive (maybe even fun?!) thing is to create a solo ritual or tradition you can look forward to. The positive anticipation this creates "can make a weekend without social plans feel less daunting and more meaningful," explains psychologist Miriam Kirmayer, PhD. "It also takes the pressure off feeling like we have to make plans." |
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| Be thoughtful about these rituals and routines, and think of it as "an act of tending to and befriending yourself," says Dr. Kirmayer. Maybe that means taking yourself on solo dates to that restaurant, museum exhibit, or spa you've been wanting to check out. This will help you learn to depend on yourself for fun and novelty, says Dr. Kirmayer, while getting comfortable with your own company. |
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| Or it could look like establishing a Saturday morning routine filled with steps that ground you in the present—opening a window, lighting a candle, listening to your favorite playlist, reading your favorite newsletter over hot coffee. |
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| "No matter how small each step might seem on its own, the predictable rhythm of it can give you something to look forward to and give you a moment to check in with yourself," whether the rest of your day involves other people or not, explains Dr. Kirmayer. |
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| Do you feel lonely often? |
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| "I used to hate to be alone. I always had someone around me, but now I cherish my alone time. I find it's a way for me to recharge." |
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| What are some of your favorite activities or hobbies to do solo? If you had to spend a day completely by yourself, how would you spend it? |
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| "A bath, taking a steam, getting a massage—that's not alone but basically anything around the feeling of unwinding and feeling relaxed." |
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| Do you ever deal with social anxiety? How do you navigate feeling anxious or awkward in social situations? |
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| "Yes, there are times when I am in certain situations and can feel anxious. Sometimes I know why I feel that way and other times I can't explain where it is coming from. I am wired to just push through things, but I think also hearing other people in the room are feeling the same way helps make you feel like you aren't alone. I am very happy we are all talking about these types of things now. It does make a difference to know you aren't the only one." |
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| The power of the micro-interaction. |
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| We know how appealing it is to fully hibernate when you're lonely as hell. But—shocker—that is not what therapists recommend. Instead, they suggest borrowing a tip from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) called opposite action, which basically involves doing the opposite of what your big feelings are telling you to do. |
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| When you're feeling lonely, that means leaving your Netflix cave and interacting with a human (just for a second!). |
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| "Getting out of your house builds traction and provides opportunities for positive emotions and encounters," says psychologist Jenny Wang, PhD. If we stay in our home for too long, she explains, then we cut ourselves off from these positive feedback loops that can lessen our fear and anxiety around socializing. |
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| Enter: the micro-interaction, which can help calm the nervous system, regulate your emotions, and provide a sense of belonging (even if it's just with the people who frequent your coffee shop), she says. It can be as small as chatting briefly with the grocery clerk, telling the barista to have a good day, or smiling as you walk past your neighbors. |
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| Once you ease in, you'll find yourself increasingly comfortable with putting yourself out there. "These micro-interactions build the foundation for more social interactions that last longer or have more depth over time," explains Dr. Wang. |
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