Try this: Nervous about making a big move in the near future? Spend some time journaling about what’s making you apprehensive and how you can overcome those fears. You got this!

Think on this: How can you add more levity and laughter into your everyday life?

Remember this: Your ideas are worth sharing.

Read this: 12 Life Hacks for Anyone Who’s Always Distracted

Procrastinating? Check your perfectionism.

Putting off a big project or difficult task until the very last minute? We’ve all been there. But the root cause of that behavior might be different than you think. There’s a misconception that procrastination is due to laziness, says therapist Gianna LaLota, LMHC, LPC. In reality, it’s often perfectionism that leads someone to hold off on getting sh*t done. “Perfectionists set unrealistic expectations for themselves and the quality of their work,” she explains. “That can lead to tasks feeling incredibly daunting, therefore making it difficult to simply get started.”

Try this: If this sounds like you, the next time you find yourself putting something off, notice the thoughts you have about that task. They might sound like, This has to be perfect, or I have to get this right the first time. Then, suggests LaLota, reframe those thoughts to alleviate some unnecessary pressure. The reframed thoughts might sound like, This doesn’t have to be perfect, or I can get my ideas down on paper and make revisions during the next draft. Taking some of the pressure off will help you get started.

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By Anna Borges

You’ve probably been there before—stuck in a conversation you never wanted to have with someone who just won’t let up. Maybe it’s your manipulative coworker stirring the pot of office drama. Maybe it’s your gaslighting ex trying to convince you that you’re a horrible parent. Or maybe it’s a narcissistic family member whose arrogant rants make you feel about one inch tall. Whatever the situation, you might feel the urge to defend yourself, explain your side, or defuse their emotions—all extremely human reactions. But what if your strategy was to do…none of that? 

Enter the gray rock method, a simple but apparently powerful way to disengage from someone without fanning the flames of conflict. Whether you first heard it scrolling through TikTok, in an episode of Vanderpump Rules, or just now in this article, the gray rock method is actually a therapist-approved tip—in certain situations, at least. 

It’s pretty much what it sounds like—you become an unresponsive, disengaged, boring ol’ blob. “When you're gray rocking, you stick to the basics,” says therapist Amelia Kelley, PhD. “You're not going to do anything that makes you interesting or engaging. You're not ignoring the other person, but you're not providing more information than is necessary in hopes that they’ll lose interest and shift their attention.”

Many attribute the term to an anonymous essay about dealing with narcissists that appeared on the website LoveFraud back in 2012. While it’s not exactly a therapeutic technique, the mental health professionals we spoke with do recognize it as a potentially effective way to navigate toxic interactions that you can’t just walk away from (like when you have to work or co-parent or spend holidays with this person). According to Dr. Kelley, you can use it in low-stakes situations—like cutting off your gossipy coworker’s watercooler chat supply—but she says it’s usually employed as a tool against “toxic or manipulative people who thrive on attention and disrespect healthy boundaries,” including narcissists and other emotional abusers.  

If the gray rock imagery doesn’t do it for you, think of it this way: “It’s like playing dead in a game of cat and mouse,” says therapist Vanessa M. Reiser, LCSW. “The narcissist or the abuser is addicted to the supply of attention. If you starve them of it, they, by necessity, will go find someone else to toy with.”

Notably, the gray rock method isn’t anyone’s top choice for handling a toxic or abusive dynamic. Ideally, you wouldn’t have to deal with this person at all—but experts acknowledge that leaving is not always possible. “It’s not so simple to say, ‘I’m going no contact with you’ if you’re co-parenting a child or sitting next to each other at the office,” Reiser says.  

So if, for whatever reason, you can’t or aren’t ready to cut this person out of your life, the gray rock method might help you manage interactions with less emotional fallout and avoid fueling further conflict. “It’s a strategy of harm reduction,” says Reiser. 

Keep reading for tips on how to use the gray rock method.

🎧 What we're listening to: Let’s pretend it’s not the end of the world.