Try this: The next time you're thinking about a response during a convo with a friend, pause and really try to comprehend what they're saying. Paraphrase what you've heard. Ask follow-ups. When you actively listen, you can better understand what someone is saying—and you'll be more clear on how you want to respond too.

Think on this: What positive feedback can you give to yourself today? Are you doing a good job hydrating? Are you getting stuff done? Are you honoring your need to rest?

Remember this: Patience may not be easy, but it’s almost always worth it.

Read this: How to Deal With Holiday Party Awkwardness

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Have you ever stayed with a therapist long after you realized they weren’t “the one” for you? Same. Breaking up with a therapist is hard—leaving many of us to keep going through the motions of ineffective therapy. If the thought of saying “see ya” to your less-than-helpful therapist makes you queasy, know that it’s more common than you might think: 65% of people have broken up with a therapist at some point in their lives. Let that stat inspire you to pull the plug and find someone better suited to your needs.

I’ve been low-key convinced that everyone hates me for most of my life. How can I finally shake this mindset?

If it feels like everyone hates you, you can start by blaming evolution. Back in the day, being excluded from the group could mean the difference between life and death, so humans evolved to be sensitive to signs of social rejection. In fact, we’re so attuned to it that feeling ostracized “activates the same neural pathways in the brain as physical pain,” says psychologist and friendship expert Miriam Kirmayer, PhD. That’s why even perceived rebuffs hurt: We’re primed to interpret innocuous cues—like a missed text or a resting bitch face—as proof that someone dislikes us. 

While nobody likes feeling rejected, Dr. Kirmayer says some people are extra sensitive to it for a few reasons. Past experiences of being left out or bullied, especially during childhood, can make rejection hit harder. If you have a mental health condition like ADHD (which is associated with rejection sensitive dysphoria), you might also be more prone to feeling like others dislike you. Not to mention, we can be more or less sensitive day to day based on factors like how stressed, tired, anxious, or depressed we are, according to Dr. Kirmayer. 

Speaking of anxiety and depression, both love to stir the pot with cognitive distortions like all-or-nothing thinking (no one likes me) and taking things personally (their change in tone is definitely about me). 

“Anxiety isn’t logical—it doesn’t always need a reason to feed you off-the-wall messages that people hate you,” says psychologist Ellen Hendriksen, PhD. Same goes for depression, except it prefers to cloud your perception with feelings of unworthiness (I'm not good enough) and defectiveness (something is wrong with me). 

Even if you can’t pinpoint exactly why you’re feeling like everyone hates you, there are steps you can take to get out of this mindset. Here’s what the experts recommend:

1. Look for evidence that people actually kinda maybe like you.

Right now, your brain is hyper-focused on “proof” that everyone hates you—whether it’s a friend not texting you back or a coworker looking distracted when you talk. “Our brains want to be right more than they want us to be well,” says Dr. Kirmayer. So they’ll filter out evidence that contradicts the story we’ve created and latch onto anything that supports it.

To combat the hate-colored glasses, Dr. Kirmayer encourages people to collect proof of the opposite—and treat it like a scavenger hunt. “We need to be on the lookout for contradictory evidence—micro moments where someone approaches us, strikes up a conversation, smiles in our direction, or gives us positive feedback,” she explains. “Gather all these small but meaningful interactions and savor them.” 

Keep reading for 6 more tips for overcoming the belief that everyone hates you.

🎧 What we're listening to: I’m on one.